Exhausted Panic

It’s a day and a half until embryo transfer. This time, due to a change in procedure at the clinic, we will only get a call on Friday morning if there is a problem with the defrosting process. So no news is good news.

If all goes well, I head in at 11.30am for transfer.

I am now taking oestrogen pills, my usual metformin, and progesterone pessaries.

I am exhausted.

I called the clinic today because I am having period-like pains. I don’t remember this from last time, and I’m starting to worry my womb lining might just come away  bringing the embryo, healthy or not, with it. Apparently twinges and suchlike are not an uncommon side effect of the procedure. And I have no bleeding. And I know my womb lining is a bit thicker this time around, so perhaps that’s contributing to my discomfort.

But I can’t help feeling something is going to go wrong.

I feel much more convinced that it isn’t going to work this time. I’m a bit heavier than I was last time by 4-5lbs, and I don’t know what difference that’ll make. I have convinced myself that we won’t even get a positive pregnancy test this time.

I don’t know if this is self-defence – thinking it won’t work is less painful than hoping it will and it not – or wishful thinking in so far as a negative test is the lesser of two evils (the other being miscarriage).

So I’m already worried about bleeding, before the embryo is even imside me. How the heck am I going to get through the next two weeks?

No one has offered to take me to a spa or buy me presents yet.

Just saying….


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