Exhausted Panic

It’s a day and a half until embryo transfer. This time, due to a change in procedure at the clinic, we will only get a call on Friday morning if there is a problem with the defrosting process. So no news is good news.

If all goes well, I head in at 11.30am for transfer.

I am now taking oestrogen pills, my usual metformin, and progesterone pessaries.

I am exhausted.

I called the clinic today because I am having period-like pains. I don’t remember this from last time, and I’m starting to worry my womb lining might just come away¬† bringing the embryo, healthy or not, with it. Apparently twinges and suchlike are not an uncommon side effect of the procedure. And I have no bleeding. And I know my womb lining is a bit thicker this time around, so perhaps that’s contributing to my discomfort.

But I can’t help feeling something is going to go wrong.

I feel much more convinced that it isn’t going to work this time. I’m a bit heavier than I was last time by 4-5lbs, and I don’t know what difference that’ll make. I have convinced myself that we won’t even get a positive pregnancy test this time.

I don’t know if this is self-defence – thinking it won’t work is less painful than hoping it will and it not – or wishful thinking in so far as a negative test is the lesser of two evils (the other being miscarriage).

So I’m already worried about bleeding, before the embryo is even imside me. How the heck am I going to get through the next two weeks?

No one has offered to take me to a spa or buy me presents yet.

Just saying….


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